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DeMille 
Poor  old  Jim 


THE  LIBRARY 

OF 
THE  UNIVERSITY 

OF  CALIFORNIA 
LOS  ANGELES 


<  i  •  K 

<  jr. . '.  * 


A   SKETCH 


In    One    Bet 


BY 

WILLIAM  C.  DE  MILLE 


uOFYRIGHT,    1913,   BY   WlLLIAM   C.  DE  MlLLE 
1914,   BY  WlLLIAM    C.  DE  MlLLE 


All  Riyhts  Rcscn-cd 


TUTION.  —  Professionals  and  Amateurs  are  hereby  warned  that 
"POOR  OLD  JIM,"  being  fully  protected  under  the  copyright 
laws  of  the  United  States,  and  the  British  Empire,  is  subject 
to  a  royalty,  and  anyone  presenting  the  play  without  the  con 
sent  of  the  author  or  his  authorized  agents  will  be  liable  to 
the  penalties  by  law  provided.  Applications  for  the  Profes 
sional  and  Amateur  acting  rights  must  lie  made  to  Samuel 
French,  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York,  N.  Y. 


NEW  YORK 
SAMUEL  FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

_'5  WEST  45TH  STREET 


LONDOH 

SAMUEL  FRENCH.  I/TD, 

26  SOUTHAMPTON  STREET 

STRAND 


ALL  RIGHTS  RESERVED 

"POOR  OLD  JIM"  is  fully  protected  by  cor  -ight 
and  is  subject  to  royalty  when  produced  by  pJ$»fes- 
sionals  and  amateurs. 

Permission  to  act,  read  publicly,  or  to  make  any 
use  of  it  must  be  obtained  from  Samuel  Fftnch. 
25  Wesc  45th  Street,  New  York,  N.  Y.,  and  n|  per 
formance  may  take  place  until  a  written  permission 
has  been  obtained. 

It  may  be  presented  by  amateurs  upon  payment  of 
a  royalty  of  Five  Dollars  for  each  performancfi  pay 
able  tc  Samuel  French  one  week  before  thJf  date 
when  the  play  is  given. 

Professional  rates  quoted  on  application. 

Whenever  the  play  is  produced  the  following;-  notice 
must  appear  on  all  programs,  printing  and  advSnsing 
for  the  play:  "Produced  by  special  arrangemeB -\vit1' 
Samuel  French  of  New  York." 


"POOR  OLD  JIM0 

CHARACTERS. 

JIM 

MARIE His  wife 

PAUL The  Doctor 

SCENE: — Sitting    room    in    JIM'S    house — New    York 
City. 

TIME: — The  Present. 

HAND  PROPS. 

Telegraph  pad. 

Pitcher  of  water  and  glass. 

Medicine  bag. 

Evening  coat. 

Vest. 

Hat. 

Shoes. 


SCENE: — Sitting  room  in  JIM'S  house.  A  comfortable 
well  furnished  room.  Door  up  c.  Door  i>.  1st. 
Set  on  Jog  at  an  angle.  Table  and  2  chairs  R. 
Large  clock  up  L.  Other  furniture  to  dress 
stage  as  desired.  Telegraph  pad  on  table — Jar 
paste  in  table  drawer — Pitcher  of  water  and 
glass  on  table. 

AT  RISE: — The  room  is  in  disorder;  hands  of  clock 
point  to  6.uo.  Shades  are  down,  electric  lights 
on  full.  JIM  is  lying  asleep  in  a  fantastic  attitv.de 
on  the  ffiuch.  He  is  dressed  i:i  evening  trousers, 
jhir',  collar  and  tie.  His  coat  has  been  thrown 
on  c  chair.  Hit  vest  c?»  another  Shoes  on  thj 
table,  and  hai  on  the  floyr.  JiM'r  head  is  where 
liin  fset  ought,  to  be,  end  he  <or .  ~s  uneasily  n.ui- 
terinS;  frvm  ti:.ic  to  time.  Ac  th<  curtain  goes  up 
he  murmur*,  "  £'ah  'igH»  si'  pal —  Thi^  is  on 
me —  Wha'c  ~  cluu  j:o:  if  a  man  ccn't  treat 
his  frien's.''  MARIE  enter,  o  dressed  tr  c  pretty 
i::gligce.  She  looks  c,i  .JiM~~*nakes  w  gecture  of 
"  what'c  the  use  :>  and  pulls  tip  the  shade.  It  if 
broad  daylight  outside —  She  crasser  tc  JIM  and 
shaken  hiir.  by  the  shoulder. 

MARIE.     Jim!     Jim!!     You're  drunk  again  after 
yovr  promises  to  me. 
Jim.    Who  ia-e  you? 

pon't  you  knew  me  Jiaai? 
3 


*  POOR  OLD  JIM. 

JIM.  Never  saw  you  before  in  my  life — (still  half 
asleep)  I'm  a  married  man.  Go  way.  Don'  allow 
women  in  club, 

MARIE,  (in  back  of  couch)  Jim — come — wake  up. 
I've  sent  for  the  Doctor 

JIM.  (singing  in  his  sleep  and  "waving  his  leg  in 
the  air)  With  a  stein  on  the  table — an*  a  good 
so-ong 

MARIE.  Jim — put  your  leg  down,  (she  tries  to 
hold  his  leg  quiet — he  gets  it  loose  and  waves  it  again) 

JIM.    Wha's  the  matter?    Good  ol'  leg — leggo 

(PAUL  enters  c.  carrying  his  medicine  case —    He  is 
a  bigr  good  natured  chap.) 

PAUL.     Hello,  what's  all  this  ? 

MARIE.  (coming  down  to  edge  of  couch)  Oh, 
Doctor,  see  what  I  married! 

PAUL.  (examining  JIM)  H'm — another  evening 
at  the  club,  eh?  (crossing  R.  c.  to  table,  he  puts 
powder  from  medicine  cane  in  glass,  and  adds  water 
through  the  next  few  speeches') 

MARIE.  Yes — this  is  what  he  calls  staying  on  the 
".Vater  Wagon. 

PAUL.  The  road  through  the  club  is  pretty  rough 
for  /ater  wagons.  Too  bad  that  Jim  loves  the  club 
so —  Can't  you  get  him  to  resign? 

MARIE,  (crossing  s.)  Oh,  I've  tried!  I've  tried! 
He'r  such  a  nne  fellow  when  he's  himself  Doctor; 
and  it'r:  -  at  the  club  lie  ^ets  like  this.  Uut  I  can't 
.;tand  i'-  much  loiiger.  (bus.  PAUL  frying  to  interrupt) 
If  he  love  the  club  better  than  he  does  r.ie — he'll  have 
to  choose  between  us,  ;hat :;  all.  (crosses  dow\  L.  c.) 

PA  L  (coming  to  hey)  Now,  now,  don't  let's  get 
:xcit  "d.  Heve,  gu  e  him  Lhis  medicine  while  I  hold  his 
head — •  It'll  bring  him  r-und 

(MARIE  takes  glass  from  Doctor  and  crosses  in  front 
of  vouch.  Doctor  in  back  of  couch.     Th^y  raise 


POOR  OLD  JIM.  & 

him  to  a  sitting  position  and  make  him  drink  the 
medicine  the  Doctor  has  prepared.} 

JIM.  (a*  they  raise  him  up}  No — no  more — I'm 
on  the  water  wag'n — I  promised  m'  wife  not  another 
drink  to-night 

MARIE.     Did  you  hear  that? 

PAUL.  Well,  you  see,  he  remembers  his  promise — 
(MARIE  sniffs — PAUL  takes  glass  from  her  and  speaks 
to  JIM)  Come  on,  just  one  more. 

JIM.  No —  Can't  be  done —  When  a  man  makes 
promise  to  his  wife,  promise's  sacred — (bus.  hic 
cough)  Don't  tempt  me — t'  break  sacred  work  of 
honor,  gave  to  dear  li'l  woman. 

MARIE.     Well,  upon  my  word !     (crossing  to  R.) 

PAUL.  It's  all  right  old  man —  Just  one  little  one. 
Here  take  it — (puts  glass  to  his  lips) 

JIM.  'F  course,  'f  you  force  me — can't  help  it,  can 
I?  (chuckles)  'S  good  idea —  Get  good  drink  and 
keep  sacred  word  'f  honor  too — (MARIE  sits  in  chair 
L.  of  table — JIM  drinks  the  medicine)  Huh !  I  knew 
I'd  had  enough — it  doesn't  taste  the  same  'tall.  Guess 
I'll  take  li'l  nap.  (he  lies  down  again) 

PAUL.  He'll  be  all  right  in  a  minute  now.  (crosses 
to  c.) 

MARIE.  Doctor,  there  must  be  some  way  we  can 
prevent  this —  If  it  goes  on  he'll  lose  his  position 
and  his  health —  Oh,  you'd  think  he'd  be  careful 
when  it  means  so  much  to  me ! 

PAUL,  (at  table  with  MARIE)  Yes — I  told  him 
last  time  that  a  few  more  sprees  like  this  would  kill 
him — but  it  didn't  seem  to  frighten  him.  We've  got 
to  make  him  believe  it,  that's  all ! 

MARIE,     (turning  to  PAUL)     But  how? 

PAUL,  (walking  up  and  down)  That's  the  ques 
tion — how  ? 

MARIE.  He  won't  believe  you  until  he's  drunk  him 
self  to  death — and  then  it  will  be  too  late 

PAUL.    By  Jove  that's  an  idea 


6  POOR  OLD  JIM. 

MARIE.    What? 

PAUL.  He's  drunk  himself  to  death — (crossing 
round  L.  of  table} 

MARIE,     (rising  and  starting  for  JIM)     Oh,  Doctor! 

PAUL,     (stopping  her}     No — no — not  yet! 

MARIE.     Then  what 

PAUL.  (thinking}  Don't  you  remember  telling 
we  about  that  play  you  and  Jim  saw  together 

MARIE.     Play 

PAUL.  The  one  that  made  such  an  impression  on 
him — •  You  know — where  the  man  dies  and  his  ghost 
comes  back  and  no  one  can  see  or  hear  him ! 

MARIE.  I  remember,  but  what's  that  got  to  do 
with 

PAUL.     Does  Jim  still  think  about  it? 

MARIE.     Yes,  we  were  speaking  of  it  yesterday. 

PAUL.     Good!     Then  we  can  do  it 

MARIE.     Do  what? 

PAUL.  We've  got  to  make  him  think  he's  dead; 
that  he's  drunk  himself  to  death.  That'll  give  him  a 
scare  he'll  remember. 

MARIE.    But  how  on  earth 

PAUL.  All  you've  got  to  do  is  to  follow  my  lead 
and  do  as  I  say.  NOVT  let's  see —  He  died  this  morn 
ing  and  his  dead  body  is  in  the  study  there — (point 
ing  to  door  L.  1)  I'll  lock  the  door — (PAUL  starts 
L. — MARIE  coming  down  toward  him  to  stop  him} 

MARIE.     No 

PAUL.  Now  you  put  the  room  to  rights — (PAUL 
locks  door  and  pockets  key}  Hurry  up,  he'll  wake  in 
a  minute — (he  sees  telegraph  blanks  on  table}  Hello, 
these  telegraph  blanks  will  help !  Sit  down  and  write 
a  telegram.  Say 

MARIE,  (crossing  R.  and  sitting  at  table}  Doctor 
I  don't  -like  to  do  this —  It  seems  so  cruel 

PAUL.  (L.  of  MARIE)  My  dear  girl — it's  the  only 
way  to  save  him —  You  must  have  the  nerve  to  carry 
it  through.  Come,  brace  up — after  all  it's  for  him — 


POOR  OLD  JIM.  7 

MARIE.  (taking  pencil  from  table)  All  right, 
rhat  shall  I  say? 

PAUL,  (down  c.)  Address  it  to  your  Mother — 
(MARIE  writes)  Say —  "  Come  at  once,  Jim  passed 
nway  this  morning."  (looking  at  JIM)  And  that's 
no  lie 

MARIE.     But  it  will  frighten  Mother  so 

PAUL.  She'll  never  see  it —  Where's  the  paste? 
(coming  to  back  of  table) 

MARIE.  (taking  paste  out  of  drawer  in  table) 
Here • 

PAUL.    Good —    Now  write  another  just  like  it 

MARIE.     Another! 

PAUL.  Yes — hurry  up — (PAUL  takes  message  and 
pastes  it  to  top  of  table) 

MARIE.     What  are  you  doing? 

PAUL.  (while  pasting  it)  Pasting  this  to  the 
blotter — •  Ghosts  can't  pick  things  up —  When  he 
reads  this  he'll  know  he's  dead.  Turn  the  clock  back 
two  hours — (she  does  so)  Now  remember,  what 
ever  happens  you  must  pretend  not  to  see  or  hear  him, 
he's  a  ghost. 

MARIE.  But  when  he  finds  out  we've  been  fooling 
him 

PAUL.  He  won't  find  out —  Leave  it  to  me — (JiM 
groans  and  mutters.  Bus.  gesture  from  MARIE  start 
ing  to  speak — PAUL  whispers)  I'll  tell  you  the  rest 
outside —  He's  waking 

(They  take  all  the  clothes ,  medicine  case,  pitcher, 
glasses,  etc.,  and  exit  c.  JIM  slowly  wakes  up — 
business,  stretching,  dark  brown  taste,  etc.  He 
sits  up  on  couch,  looks  at  clock —  Feels  for 
watch,  bus.  running  hand  down  trouser  leg.  Sees 
he  has  no  vest  or  coat — misses  his  clothes — 
Starts  to  look  for  them — cannot  think  what  he 
has  done  with  them.  Hears  MARIE  coming  and 
retires  up  stage  as  MARIE  enters  with  black  hat 
trimmed  with  flowers,  and  some  black  ribbon  in 


8  POOR  OLD  JIM. 

her  hand.  JIM  says — -  "  Hello "  but  MARIB 
pretends  not  to  see  or  hear  him.  She  sits  R.  of 
table  and  begins  to  untrim  hat.  JIM  nerves  him 
self  up  and  comes  down  to  her —  Through  the 
next  scene  neither  MARIE  nor  PAUL  seem  to  see 
or  hear  him.) 

JIM.  (apologetically,  trying  to  smile  genially') 
Marie — my  dear — I'm  afraid  I  was  out  rather  late 
and  I  thought  I  wouldn't  disturb  you,  so  I  took  a  nap 
on  the  sofa.  (MARIE  uses  her  handkerchief  to  wipe 
away  an  imaginary  tear)  No,  no,  you're  wrong.  It 
wasn't  that  way  at  all.  (MARIE  looks  through  him 
with  a  mournful  expression)  You  mean  what  did  I  do 
with  my  clothes  ?  (MARIE  returns  to  fixing  hat)  Well, 
that's  rather  a  long  story — but  I  suppose  I'll  have 
to  confess.  You  know  what  a  tender  heart  I  have  and 
as  I  was  coming  home  from  the  club — it  was  about 
three  O' — minutes  past  twelve,  and  a  poor  fellow 
stopped  me  on  the  street.  Oh,  it  was  pitiful,  Marie. 
He  had  no  coat  or  vest,  or — shoes,  not  even  a  hat, 
and  he  told  me  about  his  poor  little  children;  all 
starving  you  know — what  could  I  do?  You'd  have 
done  the  same,  I'm  sure.  I — 1  had  no  money  with 
me,  so  I  gave  him — what  clothes  I  could  spare — and 
of  course  my  watch  was  in  the  vest — and — well — he 
seemed  to  need  it  so  much  more  than  I  did — and — - 
(MARIE  uses  handkerchief.  He  dries  up)  Why, 
what  are  you  crying  about?  Is  anything  wrong- - 
(sees  telegram — bus.  trying  to  sneak  it  away — cannot 
get  it  and  comes  round  to  L.  of  table)  Hello,  what's 
this?  (he  tries  to  pick  it  up — it  won't  come.  He  con 
ceals  the  fact  that  he  cannot  pick  it  up  and  sits  in 
chair  L.  of  table  to  read  it)  You're  wiring  your 
Mother?  (reading)  "  Come  at  once — Jim  passed" 
what's  this  ?  "  Jim  passed  away  this  morning."  Why 
— what  Jim?  We  don't  know  any  Jim — (she  does  not 
look  at  him,  but  continues  with  hat)  My  dear  I  wish 
you'd  answer  me!  Of  course  I  may  have  my  faults 


POOR  OLD  JIM.  9 

but  I  think  I'm  entitled  to  an  answer —  What  Jim 
has  "  passed  away  "  and  caused  you  to  cry? 
(sharply)  Marie!  (she  looks  through  him  again, 
shaking  her  head  sorrowfully)  Don't  act  like  that; 
it — it  makes  me  feel  so  queer — (she  puts  ribbon  bow 
on  hat)  Oh,  very  well,  if  you  want  to  be  mad — be 
mad,  I  can't  help  it — (rises  and  crosses  down  L. 
When  PAUL  enters  c.  and  comes  down  to '  MARIE- 
JIM  sees  him)  Hello  Paul — what  are  you  doing  here 
so  early — anyone  sick? 

(PAUL  doesn't  see  JIM'S  outstretched  hand.) 

PAUL,     (gently)     Marie — 

MARIE.  Oh — Doctor — (rises  and  crosses  to  PAUL 
R.  c.) 

PAUL,  (patting  her  shoulder  and  putting  her  in 
chair  L.  of  table)  There,  there — you  must  try  to  be 
brave ;  I  did  everything  I  could  to  save  him — 

MARIE.  I  know  you  did  Doctor,  but  Oh — I  was  so 
fond  of  Jim! 

JIM.  Look  here,  I  demand  to  know — who  is  this 
Jim? 

PAUL,     (in  back  of  table)     Yes — Poor  Old  Jim • 

JIM.  Say — I'm  trying  to  be  patient,  but  you  two 
are  getting  on  my  nerves  you  know — if  you  won't — 

PAUL,  (continuing)  I  warned  him  that  he'd  drink 
himself  to  death — and  now  he's  done  it.  (crossing  L. 
in  front  of  couch) 

MARIE.     Yes — Poor — poor  Jim — 

JIM.  (crossing  c.)  Don't  keep  it  all  to  your 
selves — I'll  cry  about  him  if  you  want  me  to — but  I've 
got  to  know  who  he  was,  haven't  I  ? 

PAUL.     Marie — where  have  you  put — the  body? 

JIM.      (turning  to  PAUL)     What's  that? 

MARIE.  (point  to  L.  1)  In  the  study  there. 
(choking  back  tears)  He — he  was  so  fond  of  that 
room. 

(PAUL  nods  sympathetically.) 


10  POOR  OLD  JIM, 

JIM.  Oh,  he  was,  was  he?  (savagely — coming  to 
ward  MARIE)  Now  see  here — I've  got  some  rights 
in  this  house- — even  if  I  do  stay  out  late  once  in  a 
while — and  I  insist  on  knowing  all  about  this — Who's 
so  fond  of  my  study  that  you  put  his  dead  body  in 
there  while  I'm  away?  (MARIE  business  with  hand 
kerchief — PAUL  standing  sorrowfully,  silent)  All 
right,  don't  answer  if  you  don't  want  to;  I'll  see  for 
myself,  (he  goes  over  and  tries  to  open  door  L.  1) 
Who  locked  this  door? 

MARIE,  (to  PAUL)  Go  in  if  you  like  Doctor — 
The  door's  not  locked 

JIM.      (shaking  the  door)     It's  not,  eh? 

PAUL.  No — I'd  rather  remember  him  as  I  knew 
him — Poor  Old  Jim — (crossing  L.  c.  to  MARIE) 

JIM.  Say,  this  poor  Old  Jim  stuff  is  worn  out — 
Now  just  forget  it 

PAUL.     He  loved  you,  Marie 

JIM.  (crossing  in  front  of  table  to  R.)  Well,  what 
the —  How  in —  What's  the  matter  with  me,  any 
how?  Can't  people  see  me?  Am  I  invisible?  Can't 
you  hear  me? 

MARIE.  Yes — •  He  always  told  me  that  he  loved 
me 

JIM.  Oh,  don't  mind  me — go  right  on — (sitting 
in  chair  R.) 

MARIE.     And  he  was  a  good  husband  to  me 

JIM.     What!!     (bus.)     Husband! 

PAUL.     Yes — he  was — Poor  Old  Jim 

(JiM  starts  to  speak  but  can  find  no  words.) 

MARIE.     Except  when  he'd  been  drinking 

JIM.     Why  they  talk  as  if  I — were — 

MARIE.  You  know,  doctor — I  can't  seem  to  realize 
that  he's  dead — (JiM  starts)  I  seem  to  feel  as  if  he 
were  here  now — in  this  very  room  with  us 

(JiM  rises  and  crosses  L.) 


POOR  OLD  JIM.  11 

PAUL.  (solemnly)  Who  knows —  Perhaps  the 
Spirit  of  the  dead  do  come  back — (going  around  R.  of 
table  and  sits  in  chair) 

MARIE.     Yes,  just  as  the  man  did  in  the  play 

(PAUL  sighs  deeply.) 

JIM.  (in  front  of  couch)  The  play!  The  dead 
man's  ghost  came  back !  (looking  at  and  feeling  him 
self)  Oh,  my  Lord!  That  telegram — (going  over) 
Jim  passed  away  this  morning —  The — the  body  is  in 
there — •  They  can't  see  me — or  hear  me — •  I  can't 
pick  up  a  telegram,  or  open  a  door —  I — I'm  dead — 
I'm  the  Jim  that  died — I'm  Poor  Old  Jim  ! !  (sinks  on 
settee) 

MARIE,  (to  PAUL)  Will  you  send  this  wire  to 
Mother  when  you  go  out?  I'd  like  to  have  her  here, 
now  that  I'm  all  alone. 

PAUL.  (bus.  with  pencil  and  paper)  Yes,  and  I'll 
write  a  notice  for  the  papers. 

MARIE,  (rises  and  goes  up  c.  and  puts  hat  on  chair 
at  door)  Oh,  if  he'd  only  kept  his  word  and  given 
up  drink,  he'd  be  alive  to-day- 


PAUL.     I  warned  him,  Marie- 


JIM.  That's  right — you  did  and  I  thought  it  was 
just  to  scare  me.  But  I  can't  be  dead — I  don't  feel 
dead— I  only  feel  about  half  dead — (slaps  himself 
gently  in  the  face.  Bus.  rises)  Oh!  I'm  sure  I  felt 
that — Marie — Paul — I'm  not  dead — (starting  toward 
them) 

PAUL,  (to  MARIE)  What  time  do  you  expect  the 
undertaker • 

(JiM  stops.) 

MARIE.  (coming  down  c.)  Right  after  break 
fast — — 

JIM.  (c.)  No— I  won't  have  them — I  don't  like 
them —  Oh,  if  I  could  only  see  my  dead  body — -it'd 


12  POOR  OLD  JIM. 

make  it  easier  to  believe — (starts  to  door  L.   1,  then 
back  to  them}      Oh,  haven't  you  got  the  decency  to 
go  in  and  look  at  me — once  in  a  while?     I — I'm  lonely 
two  go  and  look  at  me — open  the  door,  Marie — 
in  there — (going  over  to  them}     Marie — I — will  yo* 

MARIE.     Doctor,  did  you  hear  anything? 

PAUL,     (rises}     No 

MARIE.     I  seemed  to  hear  my  name 

JIM.     That's  right — good  girl 

PAUL.     It's  your  imagination 

JIM.      (to   PAUL)      Oh,   keep    out   of   this — won't 


you? 


(PAUL  goes  up  L.  to  back  of  table.} 


MARIE.     I  suppose  you're  right 

JIM.  Oh,  very  well — don't  open  the  door —  If  i'm 
any  kind  of  a  ghost  I  can  walk  right  through  it — • 
Here  goes — (he  tries  to  swagger  through  the  door — • 
without  success;  he  gives  it  up}  I  suppose  I've  got 
to  learn  how  to  do  these  things — Hare,  Paul — (he 
crosses  to  him  in  back  of  table}  Come  and  open 
this  door —  Come  on — (he  takes  PAUL'S  arm  and  tries 
to  pull  him  across  the  room,  but  cannot  move  him} 

PAUL.  That's  funny —  Now  /  seem  to  feel  a  pres 
ence  here — I  feel  as  if  something  were  urging  me  to 
go  over  there? 

JIM.     Sure,  come  on 

PAUL.  You  know  we're  apt  to  feel  this  way  for  a 
few  days,  but  then  Jim's  spirit  will  move  on 

JIM.     (backing  away}     Move  on! 

PAUL.     Into  the  great  unknown 

JIM.  (giving  it  up}  Oh!  I  don't  want  to  move 
on —  You  won't  turn  me  out — Marie,  just  because 
I'm  dead!  (crossing  L.  c.) 

PAUL.     And  what  will  you  do,  Marie? 

MARIE.  I  don't  know — Jim  didn't  leave  me  any 
thing —  (JiM  goes  back  to  couch  and  sits}  Oh,  why 
didn't  he  save  money  instead  of  spending  it  all  at  the 
club? 


POOR  OLD  JIM.  13 

PAUL,  (coming  around  R.  of  MARIE)  Marie — I 
love  you — (bus.  MARIE  looking  at  Doctor  and  he 
winking — "  it  is  all  right  ")  I  love  you,  Marie — 

(Bus.    JIM — then   slowly    rising   and'  coming    toward 
them  during  next  scene.} 

MARIE.     Oh,  Doctor,  not  yet —    It's  too  soon ! 

PAUL.  I  have  loved  you  ever  since  I  met  you. 
All  that  kept  me  silent  was  my  friendship  for  Poor 
Old  Jim. 

JIM.     Oh,  stop  calling  me  "  Poor  Old  Jim." 

MARIE,  (rises  and  comes  in  front  of  table — PAUL 
close  to  her)  Why,  I  never  suspected — 

PAUL.  Of  course  not — but  now  there's  no  reason 
why  I  shouldn't  speak — 

JIM.  No  reason!  How  about  me?  Haven't  you 
any  respect  for  your  friend's  memory? 

PAUL.  Couldn't  you  learn  to  care  for  me,  Marie? 
(he  puts  his  arm  around  her — Bus.  both  bracing  them 
selves  against  table) 

JIM.  (seizing  the  arm  and  trying  to  take  it  away) 
Here,  take  your  hands  off  my  wife — 

MARIE.  Of  course  Paul,  I  can't  give  you  my  first 
love. 

PAUL.  I  promise  you,  Marie — /  won't  leave  you 
alone  while'  I  go  to  the  club — (bus.  JIM  letting  go 
PAUL'S  arm — and  then  falling  back  a  little — JIM 
crosses  L.)  No — we'll  have  such  nice  cozy  evenings 
together 

JIM.  (crossing  c.)  Oh,  no,  you  won't — I'm  only 
a  little  baby  ghost  now — just  a  few  hours  old — but 
you  wait,  you  wait  till  I  learn  how  to  haunt  you — 
I'll  break  up  some  of  those  "  cozy  evenings." 

MARIE.  Oh,  that's  what  Jim  used  to  say — but  he 
loved  the  club  better  than  he  did  me. 

JIM.  I  didn't,  Marie,  I  didn't —  It  was  just — 
just- 


PAUL.     Ah,  Poor  Old  Jim- 


14  POOR  OLD  JIM. 

JIM.     (going  up  stage  c.)     Oh,  shut  up. 

PAUL.     He  wasn't  bad — only  weak 

JIM.  (coming  down  to  back  of  table — PAUL  L 
MARIE  R.)  Oh — if  I  could  be  alive  again  for  one 
minute. 

PAUL.     But  you'll  find  it  different  with  me. 

JIM.  You  bet  it'll  be  different.  I'll  sit  on  your 
pillow  every  night  and  give  you  dreams  that • 

MARIE.  Yes,  I  do  trust  you  Paul — but  it's  too 
soon,  (crossing  to  L.  c.) 

JIM.  You  bet  it's  too  soon;  haven't  you  got  any 
shame — to  be  making  love  here — (almost  tearfully) 
while  my  dead  body  is  lying  neglected  and  forgotten 
in  that  room. 

PAUL,  (coming  toward  MARIE)  I  think  that  if 
Jim  were  here,  he'd  be  the  first  to  tell  you  to  accept 
my  love. 

JIM.  Marie,  you  won't  let  him  put  that  over  on 
you? 

MARIE.  If  I  could  only  ask  him —  Perhaps  a 
spirit  medium  could  get  him  to  rap  on  the  table 

JIM.  That's  a  great  idea,  Marie —  Listen — (raps 
on  table  loudly) 

MARIE.     Hush — listen 

PAUL.    What  is  it? 

MARIE.     Didn't  you  hear  anything? 

(JiM  bangs  on  table.) 
PAUL.     Not  a  sound. 

(JiM   bangs  again.) 

MARIE.  It  seemed  to  me  that  I  heard  a  faint  tap- 
tap  on  the  table. 

(JiM   almost   breaks   the   table.) 
PAUL.     By  Jove,  I  do  seem  to  hear  something 


POOR  OLD  JIM.  15 

JIM.  (R.  of  table)  Ha — if  I  can  get  it  through 
your  head,  I'm  some  ghost. 

MARIE,  (crosses  to  L.  of  table,  PAUL  in  back  of 
table}  Hush — it's  Jim  trying  to  talk  to  me.  I  know 
it 

PAUL.     Wait — we'll  ask.     Jim,  are  you  here? 

JIM.  (yelling)  Yes — I'm  here.  Can't  you  hear 
me? 

PAUL,     (looking  at  MARIE)     Not  a  sound. 

MARIE.  Jim,  if  you're  here,  rap  on  the  table. 
(JiM  bangs.  To  PAUL)  There  it  is.  (looking  at 
table.  Bus.  with  finyers;  looks  up)  If  you  can  hear 
me,  rap  once  for  "  yes  "  and  twice  for  "  no."  Do 
you  understand?  (JiM  raps  once)  There,  he  says 
yes.  Do  you  want  me  to  marry  Paul? 

JIM.      (raps  twice)     No. 

MARIE.     He  says  no. 

PAUL.     What  do  you  want  her  to  do  then? 

JIM.  That's  none  of  your  business.  You  keep 
out  of  it. 

PAUL.     He  is  silent,     (crossing  L.  c.) 

JIM.  You  darned  fool,  how  can  I  rap  yes  or  no  to 
a  question  like  that? 

MARIE,  (to  JIM)  Jim,  would  you  rather  speak 
to  me  alone?  (JiM  raps  twice)  He  says  no! 

JIM.  No,  I  didn't.  I  said  "  yes,"  "  yes."  (bangt 
once)  There. 

MARIE.     No.     He  says  yes. 

PAUL.  Explain  to  dear  old  Jim  that  we  will  al 
ways  remember  him  with  deep  affection — good-bye 
dear,  for  a  little  while,  (he  kisses  her  in  spite  of 
JIM'S  efforts  to  prevent  it  and  exits  u.  c. — JIM  sits  in 
chair  L.  of  table) 

MARIE,  (c.)  Jim,  if  you  could  live  again,  would 
you  give  up  the  club  and  stay  at  home  with  me  more  ? 

JIM.  Yes,  I  would,  (raps  once}  If  only  to  fool 
the  Doctor. 

MARIE.  Thank  you,  Jim.  Of  course,  it's  too  late 
now — and  I'll  have  to  marry  Paul — (JiM  bangs  table 


16  POOR  OLD  JIM. 

no — no — no)  I'm  forced  to,  Jim — (bus.)  I  can't 
starve — (bus.)  but  I'll  always  remember  that  you  re 
formed  before  you'd  been  dead  two  hours. 

JIM.     Yes,  it's  so  easy  to  reform  when  you're  dead. 

(PAUL  has  come  down  on  tip-toe,  behind  JIM  who 
doesn't  see  him — His  coat  is  off  and  he  carries 
a  handkerchief  in  his  hand.  He  seizes  him 
from  behind,  claps  the  handkerchief  over  his 
nose  and  mouth.  He  quiets  down  almost  im 
mediately.  Bus.  MARIE  rushing  to  JIM'S  side 
frightened.) 

PAUL.  It's  only  a  whiff  of  chloroform,  Marie,  it 
won't  hurt  him  a  bit.  Quick,  fix  the  clock  and  un 
lock  that  door,  (takes  key  from  his  pocket  and  hands 
to  her.  She  turns  clock  forward  two  hours  and  opens 
door  to  study;  PAUL  gets  his  medicine  case  and  puts 
it  on  the  table,  turns  blotter  on  table  over  and  taking 
second  telegram  out  of  his  pocket  puts  it  on  table) 
Here's  a  telegram  he  can  pick  up.  (JiM  begins  to 
mutter)  He's  all  right,  he's  coming  round  now. 
(MARIE  goes  in  back  of  table,  PAUL  L.  of  JIM  and 
starts  to  manipulate  his  heart.  As  JIM  opens  his 
eyes  PAUL  says)  At  last,  Marie,  he  has  come  back 
to  life.  I  have  performed  a  miracle.  The  heart- 
massage  did  it. 

MARIE.  Oh,  Jim — Jim — (JiM  sits  up  weakly — 
bus.)  Oh,  Jim,  don't  you  know  me?  (JiM  raps  once 
on  table)  What  are  you  doing  that  for? 

JIM.  What  that — (raps)  Oh,  nothing,  nothing — 
(sees  telegram.  Slowly  picks  it  up — is  relieved  when 
he  can  lift  it)  Why — I  can  lift  it,  can't  I  ? 

WARN  CURTAIN, 

MARIE.     Of  course,  why  not? 

JIM.  Oh,  nothing — it  seems  so  queer  to  pick  up  a 
telegram,  that's  all. 


POOR  OLD  JIM.  17 

PAUL.  (L.  c.)  You've  had  a  narrow  escape,  Jim. 
You've  been  dead  for  more  than  two  hours.  (JiM 
looks  at  the  clock)  And  if  I  hadn't  thought  of  the 
new  method  of  heart-massage,  you'd  have  stayed  dead. 

(JiM  rises  and  goes  toward  PAUL  c. — MARIE  comes 
down  R.,  crosses  in  front  of  table.") 

JIM.  Yes,  and  you  tried  to  take  advantage  of  a 
dead  man,  didn't  you?  Making  love  to  my  wife  and 
talking  about  "  Poor  Old  Jim."  And  you  think 
you'll  have  lots  more  chances  when  I'm  a*,  the  club, 
don't  you?  Well,  you  won't,  because  I've  given  up 
the  club,  and  I'm  going  to  save  money,  so  that  the 
next  time  I  die,  you  can't  force  your  Icve  on  my  .wife, 
ju:  ;  because  she's  hungry — no — (opening  his  arms) 
Marie — (she  crosses  c.  to  him)  I've  come  back  from 
the  grave  to  protect  you.  (he  holds  her  in  his  arms 
9nd  looks  defiance  at  the  Doctor) 

CURTAIN. 


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